The DEVIL OR ANGEL OF A FATHER?

The Father's Day is celebrated throughout the world to appreciate fatherhood and the good deeds that fathers do or to remind fathers of the good deeds they should do as fathers. I remembered when my daughter Zuraidah Muhammad Rais or nicknamed Azu was born in a University of Southern California Hospital in Los Angeles during winter, immediately after that the gyneacologist and hospital who attended to me gave a Certificate of Fatherhood to my husband. I was indeed amused then because i have never seen such token before.

Thats a token of appreciation for the role of fathers. But fatherhood does not stop at the birth of a child. It begins and does not end till forever more even after the bride is given away by the father.That reminds me i attended several weddings whereby several fathers became so sad and emotional giving away their darling daughters to their sons in laws. The truth then shows that fathers too love their sugar and spice very much as daughters can be close to fathers just as sons are. But Kent Nerburn said that it is much easier to become a father than to be one. It is easy for a father to have children than for children to have a real father .Fathers have to be good role models modeling the goodness to be emulated by their children. They must be the family's tower of strength indeed.

I remembered my father who is a doting patient man who cared for us. I believe i inherited his patience till today. My father used to sit with me on the swing made of gunny sack and lullaby me to sleep. He was company when my very busy politically tuned mother went around doing her campaigns during the election rallies. But my father died young at the age of 62 when i was away at USA doing my PHD. I managed to see him three months in Malaysia before he died. When i left to fly back to USA i remembered the sad moments at the ward. He knew he was going to die and said he wished to send me to the airport. But he was then so thin and fragile and i felt so sick to see his bony structures left from suffering gout complications.When i gave birth through a Cesaearan at the hospital he gave endless prayers for me and assured my mother i would be alright.

I am sure your fathers have been the source of inspiration too. Malaysian fathers are pretty aware of Happy Fathers Day but it is hope they will respond concretely to the more active meaningful role of fathers other than being a disciplinarian or money provider. Fathers can be more active by interacting more with their children. Like when the baby goes to sleep a father can sing a song or read a book till the child fall asleeps. Fathers can be friends too like joing the children in family games such as golf or attending to the school activities. Fathers tend to protect and be the protector which is quite normal in todays "untrusted" world.

Fathers and mothers have to be consistent on the parenting style for their children. Sometimes the father will oppose a plan but the mother will agree and the child will get confused. There are such things nowadays such as father abscence. A man can disappear for six months (outstation, on duty ) and return home only to reenforce his role of disciplining a child while the mother has employed a less disciplinarian role during his abscence. So much confusion indeed

.Are you a good father? How does one measure such claim? Our prime minister Dato Seri Najib Tun Razak stated that a father's true love is when he touches the child's heart. Dato Seri Najib reminded fathers that fathering is not about lavishing gifts and material wealth but rather it is about equipping the child with the right tools, values and upbringing to manage their well being after they leave the comfort of the parents' care.

A sound advice i may say. But there are several who are disappointed about their fathers and recalled that their fathers were not around their single mothers. I attended the Workshop on Keluarga Sakinah (Sakinah's Family) rather an Islamic perspective on family upbringing stressing the important role of fathers and mothers at each stage of child development. Research has shown that without fathers as positive role models their sons' development will be affected. The latter would either be too aggressive or too timid and would also be rebellious. Thus a divorce may affect sons if the father is not around to give both moral , emotional support and companionship.

Should fathers also receive the Award called "Ibu Mithali" and the equivalent for fathers to be called "Bapa Mithali"?? I guess so in appreciation of fathers.And President Barrach Obama 's Dreams from My Father stated that Obama organized his life on the ideals given to him by his Kenyan father although of course Obama might have missed a lot more from his father. Fathers are important to develop stable families in the community. It is sad when fathers do not become the role models that their families envisage.

A friend stated he has known friends who did not have the blessing of having fathers. They grew up lost and helpless and always regretted their fathers were not available.Another told me its better then to have a father who is a devil but is indeed around than to have no father at all????Wow whats your response to that? To end with an optimistic note: Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest richest inheritance-Renkel

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY TO ALL FATHERS